One night there lived two kids named Ngairon and Max. ngairon was having a fun sleepover at max`s house for the weekend. Max and ngairon were up all night playing FORTNITE. They were so distracted by FORTNITE that they couldn't even hear a thing SMASH! This masked murderer came through max and ngairon ran as fast as they could for the secret guns. “Oh my god said ngairon ‘‘yeah I know right I mean how do I have so many guns right said max ‘‘alright grab one then start shooting said max ‘‘okay’’ngairon yelled ‘‘3.2.1’’counted max bang bang bang bang bang bang ‘‘it's no use’’ ngairon yelled ‘‘finally I get to use my favorite gun the RPG’’ ‘‘what!’’ ngairon yelled boooooooooooooom! Max and ngairon killed Jason and they carried on with the sleepover and playing Fortnite like nothing happened but then max`s parents came they saw the awesome explosion then they had to explain themselves. they heard a crack and a zing then they heard a yell and a slice. It was Jason! Max walked over and hit him in the head with a pan then they got grounded. the end....ps: if you play Roblox or Fortnite comment down below your Roblox and Fortnite name and I might friend you and my name is bigdave1974 on Fortnite and my Roblox is djmaster284 ok peace✌.
Hi Max, it was lovely to meet you yesterday. You have used lots of direct speech and onomatopoeia in your writing, well done. Remember to read over your writing to make sure it makes sense and that you have included capital letters and full stops. What did the parents say about the explosion? ~Mrs Davan~
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DeleteHi, Max it sounds like you had fun at the sleep over and you used good onematepea. And if you wanna know my roblox account is Coolrobloxwill. But i don't have fortnite
ReplyDeletehi, my name is Rocco from Kokatahi-Kiwhitrangi school and I like how you used lots of onomatopoeia. Maybe next time you could add a bit more to the story.
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